I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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