You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
