Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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