just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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