Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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