If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
