you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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