Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
