Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
