my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
