So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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