Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
