Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
