Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
honey bunches of taint.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
