I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This is my gift to your gina
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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