I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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