whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
