I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
