walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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