you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
