You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
