and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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