He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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