I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
