if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
