If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
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