Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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