i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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