He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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