i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
