Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
