no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
