I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
