Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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