i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
