dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize