OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
