spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
