So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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