Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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