So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
