Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
His hands were made for my vagina.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
