dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
