erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize