Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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