If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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