All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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