Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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