I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
