I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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