Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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