what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
