dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize