Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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