I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
