Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
