Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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