I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
