Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
