meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
