I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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