All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
